


Let Him Go

by KillianJones32



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: 3x03, Angst, Canon Compliant, I mean not as angsty as the episode though, M/M, Set during their Break-Up, Talk about Racism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 16:53:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10666836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillianJones32/pseuds/KillianJones32
Summary: In which 3x03 went differently and Oliver dealt with that racist asshole himself and he and Connor have a nicer talk in the car about it.





	Let Him Go

Connor sits in the backseat of Michaela’s car with his eyes closed, trying to ignore the aching feeling in his chest and the ever present image in his mind of Oliver laughing at that other guy’s jokes just over an hour ago. 

Connor remembers when he was the cause of that smile, that truly genuine smile that held no worries or protective instincts. Connor opens his eyes and stares at the impeccable floor of Michaela’s car as he realises that the last time Oliver smiled at him like that was probably shortly after they first met.

Back when everything was new and bright and terrifying because Connor was catching feelings for the cute guy who was only supposed to be a few one-night-stands with hacking help thrown in.

Connor had been battling his own internal voices telling him not to continue whatever their relationship was at the time but Oliver had been smiling and laughing at all of Connor’s stories and jokes, completely oblivious to his dilemma.

After he cheated on Oliver, Connor can’t help but feel that Oliver’s smile still hasn’t been that wide and happy and trusting. But he really couldn’t blame him, Connor has done so much to hurt Oliver over the past few months it’s a wonder Oliver even looks at him anymore let alone tries to be friends with him.

So really Connor doesn’t have a right to judge Oliver for talking to another guy or even hooking up with him.

They were single now after all; definitely not a couple so both of them were free to date other people. 

Connor supposes he had been hoping that this was just a break and sooner or later things would work themselves out and they’d be back to watching Netflix in each other’s arms and eating breakfast with bleary eyes in the morning.

Unfortunately it seems like that had just been an extremely unrealistic fantasy. Oliver seemed to be having a lovely time with that hot stranger and really it shouldn’t matter that it hit Connor like a punch to the stomach when he saw them, so much so that he had to leave and seek refuge in Michaela’s car until they were all done.

The fact was Oliver was moving on. So maybe Connor should think about doing the same. 

The sound of the passenger seat door opening causes Connor to look up to find a rather solemn looking Oliver stepping into the car and shutting the door behind him.

From his seat behind the driver’s, Connor watches as Oliver tilts his head back against the headrest and listens as he lets out a long frustrated breath.

Connor’s first instinct is to ask what’s wrong, to lean forward in his seat and place his hand on Oliver’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

But he’s not allowed to do that anymore so he just sits there and lets out a small cough to indicate his presence to Oliver.

Oliver jumps and turns around in his seat to face Connor with wide terrified eyes that thankfully relax once he sees it’s only Connor in the car with him and not some axe murderer.

Connor lifts up a hand in a shy, small, unspoken hi and Oliver nods and his lips tilt upwards as if to smile but it’s not nearly as convincing as Oliver would have hoped.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were in here.” Oliver says, turning his head back to stare at the windscreen.

“It’s okay” Connor whispers, coughing slightly before speaking again, ignoring that voice in the back of his head telling him not to ask, “Is eh, everything alright?”

“Yes.” Oliver answers a little too hastily.

Connor knows Oliver well and he knows that if he stays quiet long enough Oliver will explain so he patiently waits.

A minute passes, then two and then Oliver sighs.

“It was just that guy I was talking to that’s all and I really don’t think we should talk about that because I don’t want to hurt you more than I already have and you’ll be angry and I’ll hate that and-“

“Wait why would I get angry?” Connor asks, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.

Oliver’s shoulders stiffen and he stutters, “Just…I don’t-“

“Oliver” Connor says slowly, “Did he hurt you?”

“No!”

“Is it because you fooled around with him?” Connor questions, ignoring the wretched pang in his heart at his own words, “Or you slept with him? Because I won’t be angry, I know I’ve no right-“

“He didn’t even like me!” Oliver interrupts, his voice on the edge of a shout and he turns around to face Connor, his eyes wide and full of something Connor can’t quite identify; annoyance, shame, sadness, Connor’s not sure.

Connor tilts his head to the side and frowns in honest confusion. The last time he saw Oliver with that guy, they’d both been happy and laughing and the guy seemed to like him quite a bit. Though Connor knows himself how easy it is to pretend to be heavily attracted to someone just to get them into bed.

“It wasn’t like I was going to hook up with him anyways” Oliver says softly, his eyes cast downward now but he’s still turned in Connor’s direction, “I don’t even know why I kept talking to him. It made me feel good I suppose- anyway that doesn’t matter he made it clear he doesn’t date ‘people like me’ so-“

“People like you?” Connor’s voice is dangerously low and questioning, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Oliver shrugged, “I don’t know, he said something about not being attracted to Asians, it was stupid. But I mean I got offended anyway-”

“You should be offended. I’m offended on your behalf! I mean obviously I can’t be offended in the same way but you know what I mean. Of course what he said was stupid, he’s stupid!”

Connor’s beginning to realise why Oliver thought he’d be angry because Connor is practically fuming right now. He’d give anything just to get out of this car right now and punch that asshole in the face but from the concentrated look on Oliver’s face, as if he’s just trying to hold himself together, Connor knows he’s needed here more.

Connor leans back in his seat and lets out a long breath, “Yeah, he doesn’t date people like you. Assholes like him date other assholes that have zero personality and have nothing going for them. They’re not funny like you, not smart like you, not…they’re not perfect like you.” Connor gulps, “And I know I’ve no right to say that anymore but I don’t care because it’s true and I hope you punched that racist ass in the face for what he said to you.”

Oliver finally meets his eyes for longer than a few seconds and then finally he smiles.

It’s not one of those old smiles from the beginning of their relationship, full of happiness and with all of Oliver’s guards down. But it’s one of understanding, it’s soft and it’s one that shows he’s comfortable here with Connor and that’s enough right now.

“I was tempted” Oliver admits, “I just told him he was an immature dick who needed to grow up and stop being so prejudiced.”

Connor grins and tries to quell the pride blossoming in his chest.

“Good” Connor says, his attempt at nonchalance failing as his grin only widens and the spark of happiness in Oliver’s eyes, “Good yeah that was less than he deserved but still great Ollie-Oliver.”

A flash of hurt passes over Oliver’s eyes at the correction of his old nickname but he hides it well. If Connor didn’t know him so well, he wouldn’t have caught it.

His hand comes so close to reaching forward and stroking Oliver’s cheek. His head comes so close to leaning forward while he lips come so close to kissing Oliver’s.

But Connor forces all of him to resist because he can’t do that anymore.

They’re broken up. He has no right to even think of doing those things.

“I’m actually glad he turned out to be like that anyway. Well not that he was being racist and bluntly so but that I was able to end talking to him.”

Connor frowns and can’t help asking, “Really?” because apparently his voice is the one thing tonight that he can’t stop.

Oliver once again turns around and breaks all eye contact with Connor,

“Yeah…well I mean I kind of wanted to stop talking to him five minutes in but he wouldn’t shut up about how he plays professional football for some team I’d never heard of and I just wanted to walk away but didn’t know how to without seeming rude.”

Connor laughs but it’s more air than sound and he looks down at his hands and wonders how long they’ve been fidgeting with the side of his jeans without him realising it.

“But I mean it was mostly just me not being ready” Oliver continues quietly, as if he almost doesn’t want Connor to hear him. 

Honestly Connor’s not sure if he wanted to hear them either but he has. It could be a spark of hope that something could be rekindled if he lets it.

But then he remembers the tears in Oliver’s eyes when he told him the other night that if he really wanted Oliver to be happy he has to let him go. He remembers feeling his heart shatter in his chest and how he never realised heartbreak could hurt this bad until he heard those words.

So instead of leaning forward, stroking Oliver’s cheek, kissing him and whispering words of love and devotion into his ear, Connor turns his head to the window, clenches his hands into fists and clasps his lips into a thin line so he won’t be tempted to speak.

Silence erupts inside the car and Connor can practically feel Oliver’s desire to speak, to correct what he last said or to take it back entirely but he either decides against it or doesn’t get the chance because five minutes later their friends have stepped into the car and whatever might have been said is left hanging in the air.

On the long drive home, Asher rambles about how amazing Michaela was and Michaela makes a few light-hearted comments here and there while Oliver doesn’t say anything and merely nods along to whatever the other two are saying. 

Connor stays silent for the journey home, drowning out the other’s and their aimless chatter as he tries his hardest not to listen to that voice in his head that reminds him of how desperately he does not want to let Oliver go.

And he tries just as hard not to listen to the other more sensible one that tells him that no matter how much his heart breaks at the thought of it, he knows he has to let Oliver go.


End file.
